


and here everyone knows you're the way to my heart

by matsuhanasss



Category: The Hollow (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, New Year's Eve, Prom, Public Park, Slushies, Stargazing, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Dinner, VERY adam/kai focused, football adam, gamer kai, im gonna b real w u skeet vanessa n reeve arent in here a lot, kai drinks an obscene amount of energy drinks, kai has parental issues, parks, touch-starved kai
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:09:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26419270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matsuhanasss/pseuds/matsuhanasss
Summary: Adam and Kai are seniors at Hollow Central Public High School.Adam needs a fake date to prom.Kai happens to be the unsuspecting victim of a ten month long fake dating plan.
Relationships: Adam/Kai (The Hollow), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Mira/Skeet (The Hollow)
Comments: 82
Kudos: 137





	1. september

**Author's Note:**

> OH MY GOD
> 
> HI
> 
> THIS FIC HAS BEEN IN THE WORKS FOR SOOOOO LONG!!! 
> 
> i wrote most of this in june, and then crashed and burned because of a mental health decline, but then i learned the hollow was cancelled and picked it back up. i thought "y'know, lets go out with a bang!" 
> 
> this has been one of my FAVORITE fics to write! and i want to think my beta for beta reading this :))
> 
> genuinely, though, i cannot WAIT for you guys to read this!! 
> 
> title is from punisher by phoebe bridgers. you can listen to the song [here](https://open.spotify.com/track/7yR6GEJsPI6kmNRvFkPuN3?si=HKU2FJ9XRTu_gGXgu_O0yQ)

“Will you go to prom with me?”

It’s late September and prom is months and months away, so Kai doesn’t exactly know why Adam is asking him now. He knows Adam from his math class—he’s sweet, albeit a little dumb when it comes to math, but Kai can’t say much because he’s dumb in every subject—and they’ve rarely ever spoken to each other. So Kai can’t exactly fathom why Adam is in front of him asking him to go to prom with him. 

But, before we can explain this, we need to freeze frame and explain the events that happened just a few days before.

On a bright and early Monday morning, Adam faced his fears and came out to the school. Well, more like he was outed, but he’d rather gloss over that fact and say he came out himself to quell the fears of his parents. Of course, in the heat of the moment, Adam had said he had a boyfriend and that he had a date for prom.

He had neither.

Flash forward: now. Adam asking Kai to be his prom date. 

Kai is skeptical. The thing is, Kai didn’t plan on going to prom in the first place due to his lack of date. Now he has the opportunity standing right in front of him and he doesn’t know if he should take it or not.

“What’s in it for me?” 

“I can get you free slushies at the 7/11 for the rest of the year.”

“Fuck. Deal.”

And suddenly, Kai was ‘dating’ the most popular guy in school.

“Okay, we need a set of rules,” Kai says one day as they sit in Adam’s car. It’s the first slushie Kai has gotten out of the deal so far.

“Rules?” Adam asks.

“Yes, rules, dummy. We need rules and a story, y’know? Like how we got together, blah blah blah,” Kai says, throwing his free hand around. 

“You sound like you’ve done this before,” Adam says. Kai shrugs, taking a sip from the slushie, picking up his phone where it sits between his thighs. 

“Sometimes you just know things,” Kai says, twiddling his fingers in the air when he’s sat his phone on the console after opening the notes app. Adam gives him a look like he doesn’t quite believe him. “Listen, dude, we’ve looked like a shitty couple so far, and you want people to believe this. You gotta make it work.”

“It’s not like anyone knows yet!”

“But you want them to. You kind of need them to.”

“Fucking. Fine, okay, yeah, you’re right,” Adam says. Kai gives him a sarcastic smile. 

“Okay, rule number one: minimum PDA. My parents didn’t love me as a child and as much as I am touch starved, that shit makes me uncomfortable,” Kai says. It’s a lie straight from Kai’s mouth, but he doesn’t want to admit that he wants to be held. He’d rather die than admit that. Kai makes Adam write it down on his notes app.

“Rule two: kissing is only allowed in extreme and dire situations. Even though this is fake, just casually kissing seems fucking wild,” Kai says, taking another drink of the slushie in his hand. They sit in the car at the 7/11 for almost an hour trying to come up with more rules. In the end, they only come up with six, but they agree that if they think of more, they’ll write them down. Kai’s notes app reads:

**RULES OF DATING ;)**

**1\. little pda**   
**2\. no kissing unless the situation is dire**   
**3\. DON'T TELL ANYONE**   
**4\. must go to all of adam’s games :P**   
**5\. Don’t fall in love.**

The rules are easy to follow—they’re simple, really. Most of them Kai made, too, so he thinks he’ll have an easy time following. He hasn’t totally come around to the idea that he has to attend all of Adam’s football games, but he supposes that he’ll live. 

“So that’s the plan? Just follow these rules and we’ll be good? People will believe us?” Adam asks. Kai rolls his eyes.

“Well, we also have to make it believable, dumbass, but yes. If we follow our neat little guidelines, we should be comfortable while everyone also believes us.” 

“That’s… so easy.”

“Well, it seems that way, but now you have to act like you’re in love with me when, like, you aren’t,” Kai says. Adam snorts. With that, the first official meeting of Mission: Fake Dating has ended. They have their rules, they have a story, and they’re ready to lie to the public.

Kai, frankly, is quite excited for Monday and another slushie.

Sunday night, at exactly twelve thirty-two in the morning, Kai gets a text from Adam. Kai pauses his game and yawns, picking his phone up to see the lovely little text that Adam has sent him.

_Do you think I should pick you up for school tomorrow?_

Kai huffs a laugh.

_fuckin go for it dude_

With that, Kai gives Adam his address and gets back to his game. He should be going to sleep soon, but Kai is notorious for going to sleep at three in the morning, then waking up late, and nearly being late for school every morning. It was kind of his thing. He thinks about asking when Adam will be over to get him, but it’s a passing thought which is gone in about two seconds as he gets startled by Call of Duty. 

Bright and early at six in the morning. That’s when Adam comes to get Kai.

Kai really should have asked when Adam was coming to get him. 

Adam has called Kai a total of eight times since he woke up, there’s no telling how many times Adam had called Kai before that. Kai pulls himself out of bed at six-ten in the morning and gets dressed in a hoodie and jeans. He slips on the first pair of shoes he sees, grabs his glasses, and goes to brush his teeth, then heads out the door not bothering to make himself breakfast. He’ll see if he can bribe Adam to get him a cup of coffee and something to eat from Starbucks. 

“Good morning,” Kai yawns as he gets into Adam’s car, throwing his bag to his feet. 

“I called you twenty-one times, dude,” Adam starts, “what time do you usually wake up?”

“Like… Six-fifty? Seven o’clock? I’m always nearly late, that’s all I know,” Kai shrugs, buckling his seatbelt. “Can we get coffee and a snack, man? I’ve got money.”

“This is exactly why I leave early.”

“No, you leave early for football practice.”

“Okay, fair point.”

“Thank you, I know,” Kai says, leaning his head against the window. If he closes his eyes—maybe, _just maybe_ —he can catch a little more sleep. He rubs at his eyes and yawns again, eyelids fluttering closed so he can sleep until they get to whatever coffee shop Adam ends up taking them to. At this point, Kai doesn’t care if it’s a Starbucks or if he has to get coffee from a gas station; coffee is coffee and a sandwich is a sandwich. 

Adam wakes Kai up a few minutes later in front of a gas station. Kai yawns as he wakes up, little tears pooling in the corner of his eyes from how tired he is, then pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and looks around for a moment. It’s the wake up and get aware of your surroundings so you don’t die kind of preparation. 

“You coming in?” Kai asks, unbuckling his seatbelt. 

“Oh, no.” Kai shrugs and gets out of the car. After he’s gotten his coffee and his chips, he stands in the relatively short line at the gas station and thinks.

In retrospect, agreeing to the fake dating thing was kind of a bad idea. 

Maybe kind of is a loose way of saying _very_ because eventually someone is going to find out. Whether it be Adam’s parents or his best friend first, someone is going to figure out that Kai and Adam really aren’t together. It’s a nightmare and a half, but Kai gives them a few months before someone figures it out or they break it to someone. By accident or on purpose, either works.

Kai takes a sip of his coffee. He’s thinking too hard about this. 

They get to school easily and as soon as Kai begins to jet off to his own little corner alone, Adam grips the back of his backpack and pulls him backwards. Kai lets out a _hmph_ and falls limp because there’s no way he’s winning this strength match. Adam puts his arm around Kai’s shoulders, almost like he’s holding him hostage. It’s kind of hot, if Kai thinks about it too much. 

When Kai notices that Adam is leading him to all the beefy jocks Kai has most definitely fantasized about before going to bed before, his brain goes on autopilot and completely short circuits. 

“I am not going to talk to your football buddies.”

“Why not?” Adam, god bless poor Adam, seems so genuinely confused. 

“Literally everything about them. They’re big and muscley and hot.”

“Hey! I’m big and muscley and hot!”

“Yeah, but Kiernan has a big dick. I just know he does.” Adam chokes on a laugh and then he’s outright cackling. “That was not that funny.”

“No, man, that was fucking _hilarious_ ,” Adam says. Kai groans and goes to escape from Adam’s arm, but Adam holds him tightly there. Kai will admit, the strength is a very hot quality. 

“I swear to god, dude, if you make me look any of them in the eye, I will jump into a river. A river. No, the ocean! I’m going to jump into the fucking ocean! Do you want me to jump into the ocean?” Kai says, voice growing in octaves because of the stress. Adam stops, grabbing a hold of Kai’s shoulders, and looks him in the eyes. 

“Stop freaking out. It’s gonna be okay. You act like you haven’t given half these people the answer to math or some form of science homework in all the years you’ve known them.”

“That’s different. That’s being nice so they won’t bully me.”

“Jesus christ,” Adam sighs. “You’ll be fine, I swear.” 

“Fine.” Adam pulls Kai back into his side. Kai feels like his heart is going to explode and his guts feel like they’ve turned inside out. In simpler terms, he feels like he’s going to vomit. When they’ve finally approached the horrifying ordeal of the massive football players, Kai wants to pass out, run away, and the floor to swallow him whole. Yes, all at once. 

“Oooh, is this your boyfriend?” Kiernan (of fucking course it’s Kiernan.) says. Kai feels like his fight or flight responses should be kicking in right about now. 

“This is Kai,” Adam says, moving his arm to where his elbow sits on Kai’s shoulder and Adam’s hand can comfortably be inserted into Kai’s hair. What happened to the little PDA? Damn, rule one already broken. Kai gives a small wave and a closed lip smile.

“He’s kinda… scrawny. Not what I expected out of you, Adam,” someone else pipes up. Just his luck, it’s Tucker Coles. Tucker Coles is the second hottest and most popular guy in school—the only man that stands above him is Adam. Tucker is the American dream boy if you’ve ever thought of one; blonde, tall, tanned, and rich, with a seemingly perfect family and, of course, a white picket fence surrounding his house. Kai would know, Tucker is his neighbor. 

“Scrawny men are my type,” Adam says easily. Kai has to cough to cover up a laugh. Kai feels the eyes of the entire football team on him, which promptly makes him want to dry heave into a toilet. He feels like he’s made too many vomiting analogies now. The boys keep talking while Kai has officially checked out, only noticing when the bell finally rings; he promptly untangles himself from Adam, where they give a very loving goodbye and ‘see you after class’ and Kai practically _runs_ to English. 

He sees Adam in passing through the halls, where they give each other a wave and a smile. They look like a shitty ass couple, that’s for sure. Kai sends Adam a text.

_walk me to class ._

He shoves his phone back into his pocket, praying his astronomy teacher didn’t see it. Mrs. Rush wouldn’t hesitate to take someone’s phone, even if their grandparent was dying. Kai feels his phone buzz in his pocket, but he waits until after class to even glance at it. Too much risk in one class period.

_Why?_

Kai is going to scream. Adam is so fucking dense.

_it’s like. a coupley thing to do? do u see all those guys w gfs walkin them to class? yes u do now do that w me it's BELIEVABLE!!_

_Oh okay. Do u wanna start doing that tomorrow??_

_yes!!!!!!!!!!!_

It’s Kai’s last class of the day and he wants to enter a deep sleep. The after school nap Kai is about to have is going to be like an out of body experience. Adam should _not_ have woken him up so early. The two of them meet up after the final bell. They walk to Adam’s car in silence and when Kai gets into the passenger’s seat, he uses his bag as a pillow and immediately passes out. 

Adam pokes him awake. It’s specifically a poke to the side that wakes Kai up because his body enters panic mode—that’s where he’s ticklish.

“ _Agh!_ ” Kai yelps, slapping his head against the glass of the car window.

“Holy shit, are you okay?” Adam asks.

“Yeah.” Kai rubs his head and yawns, pulling his bag onto his back and gets out of the car.

“So.”

“So, I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t forget to walk me to class,” Kai says, wrapping his knuckles against Adam’s black Honda Civic. At least Kai thinks it’s a Honda Civic. He’s pretty sure it’s in the Honda Civic family. Adam nods and gives Kai a thumbs up. Kai snorts and shakes his head. 

“Hey!” Adam calls out.

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t know you wore glasses,” he says. Kai’s mouth tilts into a smile.

_tomorrow!!! after school!!!!! slushie!!!!!!!!!_

_I can’t_   
_Football practice is tomorrow_

_fewbkbgkwefwhefiwl_   
_pain_   
_so much pain_

Tuesday morning Kai is woken up at six-thirty in the morning, on the dot, which is a little later than the six am wake up call he received last time. Kai gets his shit together a little less sluggishly and is out the door and in Adam’s car before six-forty-five.

“Little late there, sunshine,” Kai says, popping the tab to the Red Bull he grabbed on his way out. 

“Car wouldn’t start, which means this is going to be a fun winter,” Adam says, his voice getting tight with frustration. Kai snorts and yawns, taking a gulp of his Red Bull. “That’s gonna kill you.”

“That’s gonna kill you,” Kai mocks Adam. “Maybe I wanna send myself to an early grave, ever think about that?”

“Not at all, but if that’s the end goal, I think you’re pretty set on that early grave.”

“Thank you! I’m gonna drink so many of these in a single day and then my heart is going to explode—it’ll be fantastic.” Adam is cracking up, which brings a smile to Kai’s face. Adam’s day may have started off shitty, but at least Kai’s alleviated some of that stress. 

Kai does not fall asleep on his way to school this time—thanks to the Red Bull—, but he is now exponentially antsy. He keeps pulling at his sleeves and tapping his fingers on his thighs, rather than scratching at his skin like he used to. 

“Okay, so the plan is that I walk you to first period, yeah?” Adam asks. 

“Yes, yes, that’s the plan,” Kai says.

“So… what’s your first period?”

“This is so fucking awkward. Anyway, it’s English.”

“Christ.”

“What?”

“Mine’s Spanish,” Adam says, rubbing his face as they sit in the parking lot.

“Oooh, yikes,” Kai says. Spanish is across campus from Kai’s English class, which means that Kai will either have to get to class early or Adam will have to run to Spanish. Good thing Adam is a football player, because there is no way that Kai is getting to class early. He’s at school early enough as it is. They make their way into the school, fluorescent lighting beating down on the white tile making it almost too bright to look at. 

“Okay, lead me the way to your friends,” Adam says.

“Well, I hate to break it to you,” Kai starts, “but _you_ are currently my only friend.”

“Christ.”

“Basically,” Kai says. “Just praying that fake dating the most popular guy in school will also score me some friends.”

“Well, I mean, I’m friends with other people than the football team,” Adam says. 

“Oh, really now! I _never_ would have guessed!”

“Kai, I just don’t see how you don’t have any friends. You’re… personable.”

“That sounds like an insult in disguise.”

“It’s not! I swear!” Adam laughs.

“Yeah, uh-huh, sure,” Kai says, rolling his eyes. The smile on his face relays a different emotion than the one he’s trying to portray. “I may give all my answers away, but that does not wipe away the factor of how purely _annoying_ I am.” 

“You are _not_ annoying,” Adam says.

“You will not be singing that same song in, like, two weeks. Swear it.” Kai’s too busy babbling on to notice they’ve started walking toward a girl with bright blue hair and a bag made entirely out of empty Capri Suns. She’s only a little shorter than Kai and her smile is big. Her name is Mira, Kai knows that, and he’s pretty sure he took marine biology with her last year. Kai doesn’t know why he took that class—or at least why he didn’t drop out—because he hated it so much. He’s pretty sure it was just to fill a hole in his schedule, but junior Kai and senior Kai no longer have the same thought process. 

“Kai!” Mira says cheerfully, “I remember you from marine bio last year! You were the kid who was always falling asleep in class.”

That’s probably why Kai _barely_ passed the final. And why he doesn’t remember almost any of the class.

“Hey, Mira,” Kai says, the smile gracing his face sheepish. She was pretty and he had had a crush on her last year. 

“Oh, so you two already know each other?” Adam jumps into the conversation.

“Yeah, like I said, I know him from marine bio last year,” Mira says. Adam hums and nods. 

“Well, Kai, this is my best friend that is _not_ on the football team,” Adam grins. Mira’s easy to talk to. Like Adam she leads a conversation and it’s easy for Kai to follow. 

And with that, September passes. Adam walks him to whatever classes he can and they go out whenever they can. It’s slow and new, but people believe them and they’re quickly becoming the hot gossip of the school. Kai meets Mira’s boyfriend Skeet, and then meets the rest of Skeet’s friends—Vanessa, a cheerleader, and Reeve, a baseball player. They morph into one big group and Kai doesn’t think he’s ever felt more welcomed by people than he has now.


	2. october

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> October rolls around.
> 
> Holidays are coming up and school is going to be out soon. 
> 
> But they still have October to make it through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> helllloooo!!!
> 
> i didn't plan on posting this so soon but! i got impatient LMFAOOO 
> 
> so anyway, here's the new chapter i hope u all enjoy it!!!

“Man, it’s too fucking cold,” Kai says, pulling his sweater back on. 

“It’s literally like seventy-one degrees?” Adam says, shutting his car off. 

“Cold. That’s cold.”

“I—no it is not.”

“Okay, say what you will: it is cold and I will now drink my second Red Bull of the morning.”

“Your _second_?” Adam asks, appalled. Not only does his voice show it, but Kai can tell from the horrified look on Adam’s face. It was the way his brows scrunched together and his nose scrunched up.

“I didn’t go to bed until like… five-forty-two in the morning, dude,” Kai says, popping the tab of his can. Adam’s look of distress grows stronger.

“You _cannot_ go to school.”

“We are literally in the school parking lot.”

“I will take you back home.”

“Remain calm, soldier, I do this shit all the time.”

“ _All the time_?” Adam cries. Kai shrugs, taking another gulp of Red Bull.

“Yeah?”

“As each day passes, I grow more and more terrified for your health and well being,” Adam says.

“As you should! Now, move out! We have classes to get to!” Kai yells, unbuckling his seatbelt and opening the car door. Adam takes a moment before reaching over and grabbing his backpack from the backseat. 

“How are you just… how are you doing it? How are you even awake?”

“Two Red Bulls and spite, duh,” Kai says. “Oh, and the fact I will definitely crash and burn in lunch. Like, out cold alone at my lunch table.”

“Jesus Christ,” Adam huffs out. It’s like Kai only _lives_ to worry people. It’s a fantastic feat. They get into the school building and Mira makes a beeline for them.

“Heeeey, Meerkat!” Kai greets, opening his arms up for a hug. As soon as he calls her meerkat, she dodges him for Adam.

“Never call me that again,” she says. Kai shrugs, taking another drink of his Red Bull. “Anyway, let’s ignore that, but I made you guys bracelets!”  
“Oh, that’s fucking rad, Meer!” Kai gasps, allowing Mira to tie the bracelet onto his wrist. It’s blue and white, the blue one of Kai’s favorite colors. Kai watches Mira tie Adam’s bracelet on, maybe staring a little _too_ much at Adam’s hands. 

“There!” Mira says, once she’s done. It’s a string bracelet—made out of what type of thread? Kai couldn’t tell you—and it’s like she made it to fit his wrist perfectly. Like she had taken measurements. It’s kind of impressive. 

“Glad to be a part of the bracelet club,” Adam says. Mira winks.

“The first official member was Skeet, of course, and you two are the second and third. Fight over who’s second and who’s third,” Mira says, standing on the balls of her heels. 

“I’m second,” Kai says as soon as Mira has finished talking.

“He’s second,” Adam says, slightly defeated because of how fast Kai got his words out. The gifts of being a speedy talker. The bell rings just as they are starting to have a conversation, it dies in their throats as Kai and Adam begin to walk to Kai’s first period.

“We should go somewhere tonight,” Adam says.

“Should we now?”

“Yes! You get to be second place, therefore I get to dictate how your Friday night goes” Adam says very matter-of-factly. His arm is loosely thrown around Kai’s shoulders. 

“Alright, it’s not like I have anything better to do.” It’s the truth. Kai really does have nothing better to do. He thinks his parents are planning to take the yacht out tonight, and Kai really doesn’t want to be in attendance of that two man disaster party.

“Yes!” Adam cheers.

“So, where will we go, ‘o wise one?” Kai asks.

“Choose a place you love. Like you grew up with. Somewhere that’s really special to you, y’know? I’ll choose one too and that’s where we’ll go,” Adam says. Kai nods as Adam lets his arm fall back to his side, Kai stands in the doorway of his classroom for a second, just staring at Adam. Then Kai nods.

“Okay,” he says.

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

Kai takes Adam to the park. 

It’s probably going to be nowhere like the place Adam takes Kai, but the park is the only place Kai can pinpoint happy memories from his childhood. He remembers his mom’s smile, how free and caring it was—how he could easily get it. Now it’s a struggle to get her to smile and sometimes Kai wonders if she does smile anymore. Back when her and Dad were happily married, which was when Kai was seven, they would go to the park all the time. This was back when they didn’t take so many business trips and they were never gone for too long. When at least one parent was always there. 

“The park?” Adam asks, voice soft. There’s a sliver of dusk left and it’ll be gone within minutes. Children still linger with their parents; Kai spots a mother trying to coax her son off the monkey bars so they can go home, and it reminds Kai of himself when he was younger. He was fast and enjoyed playing Red Rover on the playground with the overflowing abundance of friends he had until they got in trouble because Red Rover was ‘too dangerous’. All he can think about when he comes here is joy and forgetting. The time he snuck out when he was fourteen and ran off to the park—he didn’t come home until 1 pm the next day and his mother and father had been _so_ worried. Kai should stop thinking about this before he starts crying, but all he can think about is how his family used to be happy. 

“Yep, the park,” Kai has to clear his throat before he speaks, but there’s still a lilt. Like if he says something wrong—something a little too off—his exterior will crumble to the ground. Instead, he stands in front of Adam, arms thrown out and feet planted to the ground and a smile on his face.

“So this place is your solitude? The place you love the most?” Adam asks. Kai nods, arms falling to his side. Adam looks around and Kai watches the last kid on the playground leave, his hand held tightly by his mother’s. The smile on Kai’s face falters and if Adam notices, he doesn’t say anything. 

“Practically grew up here. My parents would take me whenever they could,” Kai says. Of course, over the years the playground got updated. The chains on the swings have changed, they’re less rusted than Kai remembers, but the seats are as worn as he recalls. He sits on one of the swings, thinking about when his feet didn’t slide across the ground and his mom had to start pushing him.

“I loved the park when I was a kid,” Adam says. As the sun finally sets, they're left in darkness. The moon high in the sky, bright and full, no stars in sight. 

“Why do you love the park so much?” Adam asks after a long bout of silence. Kai is softly pushing himself on the swing—he never swings too high, just enough for his foot to push him back and forth. 

“I have happy memories here. With my parents, I mean,” Kai says. “Back before I was sure they were on the brink of a divorce.”

“Oh,” Adam says. Kai snorts and shrugs.

“My mom would always play on the playground with me, but my dad would always push me on the swing.”

“My mom would always push me on the swing. Well, really both my parents would, but Mom would do it most of the time.”

“My mom always had a little more imagination than my dad did. Have I told you my mom’s an architect? She wanted to be an artist, but everyone told her she wouldn’t make any money as one. I think she regrets not becoming one though.”

“Sounds fun. My mom’s a teacher. She works in a different county, though. She works with the first graders.” Kai thinks about it. He’s never met Adam’s mom, but she seems so soft and gentle. So kind. In his mind, it just makes sense that Adam’s mom is a teacher. He thinks about Adam’s mom, gently scolding him, but also pressing a bandaid on a scraped knee or elbow tenderly while whispering to him that everything would be okay as Adam cried. Or maybe Adam didn’t cry. Maybe Adam was a tough kid. 

Kai was never a tough kid.

“Well, anyway, I think we’ve spent enough time at the park. Drink it in, drink it in! We can always come back,” Kai says, the words rushing out of his mouth. He’s off and he knows that Adam can tell because even though he’s known Adam for such little time, he has Kai figured out.

“Off to my secret location!” Adam cheers.

“John Mulaney wouldn’t want me moving to a secondary location,” Kai says, a playful frown on his face.

“Technically, this was the secondary location.” 

“You know what, that’s fair,” Kai chuckles softly. 

The only thing lighting the football field is the moon and their phone flashlights.

“I don’t see how you like this place so much,” Kai huffs. The chill is starting to set in, but he can’t wrap his arms around himself because he would like to _see_. So he settles for shivering instead and hopes it doesn’t catch Adam’s eye.

“It’s like a second home, y’know?” Adam says. When they finally settle in the middle of the field, they turn their phone flashlights off and sit with only the moon lighting them. “I spend so much time here, with people I love playing a sport I love—I can’t just _not_ consider it a home.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt what home feels like,” Kai says. And it’s a _sad_ thing to admit, that Kai has never felt home. He thinks that maybe he did, at one point, when he was younger—when his parents didn’t argue and they were around more because he couldn’t care for himself. Those were his developing years—they had to be around—but once he hit twelve, they were gone on business trips every other weekend and he was left with Davis, who felt more like a parent to him than the woman who gave birth to him and the man who helped raise him ever did.

“What?” Adam asks, turning to Kai. “You’ve never felt home?”

“No.”

“How?”

“My parents were never around when they stopped feeling guilty about leaving me,” Kai says. He huffs out a laugh. “Jesus, that was a sad thing to say, wasn’t it?” 

It’s not like he hates his parents, because he doesn’t. He loves them to death, his mom more than his dad, but he wishes they’d just been there. For the time he broke his ankle, for his sixteenth birthday, for every milestone they weren’t there for. There’s so much they’ve missed and can never make up for, no matter how big his trust fund is or how many gifts they shower him in.

You can’t replace _not_ being there.

“You wanna talk about it?” Adam asks, scooting closer.

“God, I feel like I ruined the mood. We were having a good and fun night, then I just had to get all sad,” Kai says, shivering.

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t say that. It’s fine, really. Talking helps,” Adam says. Kai shivers again. “Are you cold?”

“No,” Kai says. 

“Bullshit,” Adam says, taking his jacket off. 

“Hey, you really don’t need to,” Kai says, trying to stop him. Before he can, though, Adam’s jacket is gently wrapped around Kai’s shoulders. It smells like laundry detergent and vanilla and cinnamon. Kai begrudgingly slides his arms into the sleeves, wrapping his arms around his legs, laying his chin on top of his knees. The smell of Adam surrounds him now, sickeningly sweet, yet oddly gentle. Kai could bask in it forever.

“You know, even after all this is over and all that, you can still talk to me, right? Like, we can still be friends,” Adam says. It’s like he’s saying it so that Kai knows Adam will be a constant in his life.

“Well, by the time this ends school will be over. There’s no reason for this to continue,” Kai says, looking at the ground. He thinks he’ll sound a little selfish if he says he never wants to let Adam go. This is the first relationship in a while where he’s felt like someone has cared for him, actually cared for him and it’s all fake. 

“Kai.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine, but you’ve gotta get out of that pretty little head of yours sometimes. Things last after high school,” Adam says.

“I know,” Kai says, placing one of his cheeks on his knees so he faces Adam, and gives him a small smile. 

When they walk home, it takes Kai until the morning to realize he’s still wearing Adam’s letterman.

_Okay_  
_Keep it_

_y????????????_

_All the other boys give their girlfriend’s their lettermans_  
_So it just makes sense_  
_Also giving it back just like makes it seem like we’re breaking up_

_oh_  
_okay_  
_good decision very big brain of u_

_I know, thanks_

_n e way i’m abt to call u <3_

“If you don’t promise to come pick me up right now and take me to get a Baja Blast then there is no point in this fake relationship. What kind of boyfriend are you to me if you don’t come get me to get a Baja Blast at two-forty-one in the morning?” Kai says over the phone, he hears Adam sigh over the speaker of his phone.

“My parents are going to think I’m running away,” Adam says, but Kai hears him moving around, more than likely grabbing his keys and a jacket.

“Just tell them you’re going to get your boyfriend because he won’t stop begging you to take him to get a Baja Blast.”

“I feel like this is the worst mistake ever.”

“That’s probably because it was.” Kai hears Adam laugh softly and he feels himself melt. 

“Okay, I’m about to be on my way, so I’m going to hang up now. See you soon,” Adam says.

“Bye bye!” Kai grins. He should get up and put some pants on considering Adam does not live that far away from him.

Adam texts Kai as soon as Kai has pulled a pair of loose fitting sweatpants on. They’re a size too big so Kai has to tie the strings together and safety pin them together at the hip—he bought them online too big by accident and then got too nervous to go return them. He slips on his beat to another realm Air Force 1’s and makes his way outside to Adam’s car. 

“Hello, my good sir!” Kai greets, opening the passenger side of Adam’s door and slipping into the passenger’s seat. 

“Evening, my fair king. To Taco Bell, shall we?” Adam says. Kai lets out a giggle, feeling the sleep deprivation running through his veins. 

“Lemme use the aux. Please, please, let me use the aux,” Kai begs.

“I swear to god if you play Grouplove.” Kai _immediately_ plays Grouplove. “Jesus christ.”

“It’s like you were _asking_ me to play Grouplove, dude. There was literally no reason for me _not_ to play Grouplove! It’s a Grouplove moment, babe, live a little!” Kai says. The ‘babe’ rolls off his tongue so easily, he’s even surprised by himself. He doesn’t say anything and neither does Adam—if Adam asks, Kai will blame it on the fact that they’ve been using pet names around other people too much. 

“ _Fine_ , it’s a Grouplove moment. It’s a Grouplove moment, you’ve won me over,” Adam says. Kai grins, winks, and does a little dance out of excitement. The roads are almost empty in their little tiny town and Kai has never found it more soothing. He loves driving and he loves being driven around, especially at night when the streets are practically empty. There are a few passing cars, of course, some people going to or getting off work—others doing the exact same thing Kai is doing. 

“Drive-thru or are we going in?” Adam asks as they get closer to the Taco Bell.

“Drive-thru, duh,” Kai says. Adam snorts and pulls in. 

“And all you want is a Baja Blast?”

“All I want is a Baja Blast. You can get something if you’d like.”

“No thanks. Taco Bell is gross.”

“Okay, yeah, whatever, Mr. I-eat-healthy.” Adam chokes on a laugh, trying to gather himself as he pulls up to the speaker. The cashier’s voice crackles to life through the speaker asking them what they want.

“One Baja Blast, please,” Adam says. He even adds a please. Kai does love a boy with manners. 

“This drink is like a toxic green color. Like toxic waste, that’s what I’m searching for,” Adam says, passing the Blast to Kai.

“Why do you criticize everything I drink,” Kai says in a fake defeated voice. 

“Because I’ve only seen you consume Red Bull and a Baja Blast.” Okay, that’s fair. Kai huffs, rolling his eyes and taking a big gulp from his Blast. 

“You know what, fine. I’ll give you that one,” Kai says. Adam gives him a lovely grin. It has too much ‘I told you so’ energy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on [twitter](twitter.com/wIwilbur) and [tumblr](https://bloodyknuckles.tumblr.com)


	3. november

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving break.
> 
> Kai is horrified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates r going to slow down for a bit luvs !!! 
> 
> apologies in advance but MOST of this fic is complete, not all of it, and i am currently having a mental health decline which is suuuper sexy.
> 
> anyway.
> 
> enjoy !!

“Oh my _god_ , Thanksgiving break is so fucking soon,” Kai says on the phone with Adam Saturday morning. 

“Yeah, dude, I know,” Adam says. “My family wants you to come over for Thanksgiving.”

“Oh, shit, okay. I mean, I’ll more than likely be able to make it. Parents don’t really give a fuck about Thanksgiving,” Kai says.

“They don’t?”

“Nah, they don’t want the sweet, sweet food baby they know they’ll get.” He hears Adam snort and move around.

“Well, if you can come, I can pick you up.”

“Good. Yeah, that’d be great,” Kai says. He’s laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He hasn’t met Adam’s family yet, even though they come to all his football games. Kai usually keeps his distance, sitting with Mira and co while the game happens. Kai’s sure they’ve at least _seen_ him and he’s definitely seen _them_ , but meeting and seeing are two very different things.

“Okay, well now I have to get going. I’ve been tasked with driving Marco to his friend's house, but he said I get control over the aux. You win some, you lose some,” Adam says. Kai snorts, rolling over on his stomach, grabbing his Playstation controller. 

“Then I’m going to start an intense game of Minecraft,” he says, turning his Playstation on. Adam huffs a laugh through the speaker of Kai’s phone.

“Can a game of Minecraft even get intense?” 

“Uh, duh. Hardcore mode, skywars, Hunger Games; need I list more?” 

“Alright, Minecraft can get dangerous, I get it.”

“Thank you. This is a very serious game I’m playing,” Kai says. He hears Adam laugh again and Kai feels a small smile grace his face.

“Okay, well, seriously, now I’m gonna go. I’ll text you later if you’re still not in an intense game of Minecraft,” Adam says.

“Bye.” Kai hangs up the phone, a smile still heavy on his face. 

_mom said i can come over for thanksgiving_   
_we werent doing anything anyway_

I’ll tell my mom

_fwkghekrghjk i’m so nervous <3_

_Don’t be!!_   
_They’ll love you :)_

_oh thx that helps so much <3_

_Is that sarcasm I hear_

_yeah <3_

_I’m being serious, dude, it’s gonna be fine_

_smh fine i believe u_

_Good <3_

_ITS A WIN IN THE BOOKS LADS_

_Omfg_

Adam picks Kai up for a date on November fourteenth at exactly six-thirty-two pm. 

They’re off for a picnic at the park; although it’s mostly a date to make their _dating_ look more believable, it's also something to get Kai out of the house. Things are carefully placed in the trunk of Adam’s car, which is good for Kai because he can easily scoop up the basket and claim that as the thing he’s going to carry.

“It’s light,” Kai says, matter-of-factly. Adam presses his lips into a thin line in a feeble attempt to look upset, but ends up breaking into a smile. It makes Kai grin. Adam swiftly picks up the quilt, tossing it over his shoulder easily. 

“Next time, you’re getting the blanket,” Adam says.

“That thing is probably like half my body weight, dude,” Kai says. Adam scoffs.

“Fine, whatever.”

“I’m just telling you the truth!”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t want to hold the blanket.”

“No, the real reason I’m saying it is because I want to see you flex your big football muscles.”  
“Oh,” Adam says.  
“Yeah, so quit talking and keep giving me a show football boy,” Kai says, grinning ear to ear. 

And the ‘date’ goes smoothly. They just talk. Life, their friends, their parents. Well, Adam talks about his parents. Kai’s parents are still a sore subject. He doesn’t like to think about them. Adam, his mom, and his grandma packed little sandwiches cut into neat squares and fruit that had been assorted (and more!) for their picnic. Kai had never felt more loved by another family, but he’d also never felt so _guilty_ for tricking another family.

“Do you ever feel guilty about doing this?”

“Sometimes,” Adam says. “I think lying to my parents is the worst part.”

“Yeah. I think lying to your parents is the worst part for me too. They seem so nice.”

“My parents and I are really close, it sucks just lying to them about you. I mean, that you’re fake, not hiding you.”

“Yeah, I understood,” Kai says. He lies on his back, sun shining brightly on his face, and stares at the clouds.

“What’s the shape of that one?” Adam points to a cloud.

“Uh, a cat?”

“No way, dude, that’s like...a fucking bee.”

“Okay, I know I’m the one with glasses, but maybe you should invest in a pair.”

“Oh, whatever!” Adam laughs. Kai grins, a laugh bubbling out of his throat. He puts his hands over his face and just sits there for a moment.

“I had a really good day,” Kai says, the words slipping out of his mouth before he stops them. But when they’re out, he doesn’t want to shove them back in. All his best days have been with Adam recently.

“Yeah, me too.”

Kai’s spending Thanksgiving with Adam’s family this year.

Now, Kai isn’t one to get nervous for things, but this makes his stomach churn. He’s already thrown up once and he thinks he’s on his way to round two. Adam had told him to dress casual, so Kai’s tucked a loose, worn graphic tee into a pair of jeans. He’s propped Adam’s letterman to top it all off. He keeps messing with the waves in his hair, not knowing if it looks good or not. His phone rings.

“I’m here,” Adam says. His voice is warm and Kai can hear the smile in it. It settles Kai in some way, his legs feel less like they’re going to collapse in on themself, the rapid beating of his heart calms, and his stomach feels a little less sick. 

“I’m on my way out! See you in the car,” Kai says. He wants to add a _love you_ at the end—and he almost does—but he remembers at the last minute that this isn’t real and they’re only doing this to be convincing. It crushes Kai for some reason, but he knew this was fake all along. Kai thinks he’s shaking, but he disregards it. This is fine. He’s fine. He hasn’t broken rule number five.

Adam, ever the gentleman, is out of the car and opening Kai’s car door for him. 

“In you go, my good sir,” Adam says. Kai snorts but gets in the car, letting Adam close the door as he buckles up. The radio is turned down to a lazy and fuzzy hum, bluetoothed to Adam’s phone; it feels comforting. Kai still ends up messing with the bracelet Mira had made him. A nervous tic. 

“Look at me,” Adam says. Kai turns to face Adam and is met with Adam’s smile. Adam reaches over the console to mess with Kai’s hair a bit and pulls Kai’s hand into his own, probably to get him to stop messing with the bracelet. It makes Kai blush. “It’s gonna be fine.”

“I know,” Kai says.

“They’ll love you, I swear,” Adam says, locking his pinkie with Kai’s. Kai smiles and the terror gnawing at his stomach eases into something much calmer. He feels a little nervous, of course, but not as terrified as before. 

The drive is filled with quiet chatter. Adam is trying to catch Kai up on all his family members, aunts, wives, sisters, nieces, nephews; it’s too many names to keep up with, but Adam says the only ones he really needs to remember are his mother’s and father’s. His sister’s would be nice, too, but he understands if he doesn’t remember them.

Kai does.

When they get to Adam’s house, the insane wave of nerves hits Kai again. 

“What if they hate me, dude? They’re gonna hate me! Adam, there’s literally so much right now that could go wrong! Adam, I’m scared,” Kai says, curling in on himself. Kai hasn’t even unbuckled his seatbelt. Adam is out of the car in less than a heartbeat and has Kai’s side open, crouching beside him. Adam peels one of Kai’s hands from being wrapped around his leg and holds it, rubbing soothing little circles into his palm.

“It’s gonna be okay, I promise. Nothing’s going to go wrong, okay? If anything does happen, I can take you home. As soon as you’re uncomfortable, just say the word. Okay?” Adam says. Kai looks at him, breathes in the jacket that smells like him, and nods. He slowly uncurls and unbuckles his seatbelt, gingerly stepping out of the car. Adam gathers Kai into his arms, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of his head. Kai tenses at first, taken by surprise, before he relaxes against Adam and breathes out an unsteady breath. They unravel, but Adam still keeps his arm around Kai’s shoulder, keeping him close and tucked into his side. 

The house is warm—figuratively and literally. There are many lively, bustling bodies moving about the house. Kai’s never seen so much life in one house. His family isn’t nearly as big as Adam’s, and Adam’s family all in one place brings a smile to Kai’s face. It’s rather different from the near panic attack he was having in the car. Adam leads him to the kitchen, Kai’s hand loosely gripped in Adam’s. 

“Mom! Dad! This is Kai,” Adam says, pressing a kiss to the top of Kai’s head. Kai blushes as he’s pulled into Adam’s side once again. 

“Oh, we’ve heard so much about you!” Adam’s mother says, wiping her hands on her apron. Kai suddenly feels terribly nervous again. 

“Nice to meet you,” Kai says with a soft smile on his face, shaking the hands with Adam’s parents. Adam’s mother is a little shorter than Kai, her skin is dark and her eyes a welcoming dark brown. His father is taller than Adam—only barely—and he looks relatively like Adam’s mother, just a stockier build and broader shoulders. Kai doesn’t think he’s ever seen someone carry so much kindness in their eyes.

“Nice to meet you, Kai,” Adam’s father says. His voice is strong, not soft like cotton or smooth like silk. It’s not smooth as honey, either, rather as thick as honey is. It makes Kai feel nervous again and once he’s shook Adam’s father’s hand, he slides back into Adam’s side. As if on instinct, Adam’s arm goes around Kai’s shoulders and the tension in his body melts right out of him. The look Adam’s mom gives him is nothing subtle, even Kai notices it. 

“Well, you boys can go do as you please. Dinner will be ready in a few more hours. Adam, don’t forget to say hi to Aunt Norma you know she hates it when you ignore her,” his mother says.

“Yeah, but I h—” Adam starts.

“I don’t _care_ how much you hate Norma,—trust me, I know how you feel—it’s rude to not at least say hi.”

“I just don’t understand how she keeps getting invited to family functions.” Kai stifles a laugh.

“ _Adam Rivera_.”

“And that’s the scary voice. Let’s get going now, Kai, darling,” Adam says. Kai has to close his eyes and take a deep breath so he doesn’t break into a fit of giggles in front of Mrs. Rivera.

“Will I be meeting Norma?” Kai asks.

“Absolutely not,” Adam says, rubbing his hand up and down Kai’s arm. Kai cackles and feels himself fall farther into Adam’s side. 

“Well, while I say hi to Norma, you can go become acquainted with my siblings and nieces and nephews,” Adam says. Kai hums in response, the butterflies returning to his stomach. Children are mean and Kai knows that some of Adam’s family are middle school age. Eighth grade middle school age. Kai has never been more terrified of a group of kids in his entire life. “They’re somewhere. Just go explore.”

So Kai goes exploring. 

He finally finds the kids in what looks to be an ex office. There’s still a desk and computer in there, but the chair is gone and the walls are half painted a different color. It seems incomplete. Kai loves it. He pops his head into the room and all the children's heads turn to him. There’s about nine of them, maybe ten.

“Oh, uh, hi,” Kai says, awkwardly waving. The kids grin and wave back. 

“Hi!” Different voices chorus at different times. Kai softens a little, the children seeing at ease. They are appeased with his presence it seems. Thank holy heaven. That’s when Adam comes up behind him, wraps his arms around Kai's waist, and kisses him on the cheek. Kai feels his face flush. 

“Hi,” he says softly. Adam grins, pressing their noses together. They could kiss. 

“Hi,” Adam says. 

“Gross!” one of the kids calls out. Kai and Adam laugh, pulling apart. Adam lowers his head onto Kai’s shoulder.

“Oh, so you’re Adam’s boyfriend!” one of the definitely middle school aged children says. Kai nods.

“Yes, he is. Don’t bully him, he’s scared of people who can use their words fluently,” Adam says. Kai can feel the smile forming on his face. 

“Hey!” Kai slaps Adam’s arm. Adam laughs, loud and with his belly and it makes Kai’s stomach flutter. And Kai tunes the world out. He’s staring at Adam, watching his lips move as he talks to the kids. There’s a soft smile on Kai’s face, but Adam removes an arm to poke his nose.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly. Kai nods. 

“Fine.”

When the food is ready, Kai has conveniently socialized with almost every family member. It’s very nice getting to know everyone’s faces and being able to put a voice to a name. Adam has held Kai in some type of way through the entire night, his arm being a heavy and grounding presence to Kai when he feels like the ground is going to swallow him whole. Kai finds himself leaning into Adam’s side most of the night. 

Kai helps set the table, Mrs. Rivera is very grateful and lets out a sly comment about how Adam would never help unless he was asked. Adam is faux hurt and helps Kai set the table; they work quickly. They even set the kids table up. And, finally, it’s time for Thanksgiving dinner to begin. 

Kai, once again, feels like he’s going to be fucking sick. 

He smiles through it all, though, piling his plate with the delicious looking food prepared by Adam’s family. It’s good food. The best Thanksgiving food Kai has had since he was maybe six—the last time they really had Thanksgiving as a whole family. After that, they started ordering takeout every night and Kai didn’t really feel the spirit anymore. But sitting at this table beside Adam and his grandma Mae, he feels at peace. He feels happy. He feels happier than he’s felt in months. All the dread leaves his body and loosens him. He feels content and at peace.

He feels at home.

It hits Kai like a steamroller; so fast and sudden that he doesn’t know what to do. All he knows is that he’s burst into a smile, the biggest one he thinks has ever been on his face, and he grasps Adam’s hand under the table. 

_hey_

_Hellooo_

_do u wanna do smthn lmfao_

_It’s like one in the morning??_

_yea_   
_what abt it_   
_i do shit at one am all the time_

_Okay_   
_Where we going?_

“Get in loser,” Kai says from the driver’s seat.

“Okay, I’m going to be honest with you, I didn’t think you had a car,” Adam says, sliding into the passenger's seat.

“Literally what in the fucking world gave you that idea?”

“I’ve never seen you drive it, it’s not in your driveway—”

“That’s because we have a garage.”

“Whatever.”

“Okay, still,” Kai says, pulling out of Adam’s driveway.

“I’ve never seen you get out of it at school! You’re always way later than me!” Adam says, drawing out the word way.

“Okay, that’s a fair point.”

“Thank you,” Adam grins. Kai drives for what feels like hours and that’s all they do. Adam drifts off in the passenger’s seat sometime, only to jerk himself awake when they hit a mild speed bump. It’s a peaceful ride. Kai’s taking them to some fuck all place in Nevada to watch the stars. His mother used to do it with him all the time. He hasn’t done it since he was a kid and he misses it. 

When he pulls into a spot, he shakes Adam a little to wake him. Light sleepers are weak.

“Mornin’ sunshine,” Kai grins.

“Where are we?” Adam asks, voice hoarse.

“The desert.”

“Do you even know where we are? Or how to get back?”

“Duh, yes. I’m very good with directions.”

“Okay, yeah, sure whatever.”

“Oh, shut up and come look at the stars with me!” Kai says, jumping out of his car to settle himself on the hood of it. Adam makes his way up beside Kai, his body heat warming the slight cold of Kai.

“My mom used to go stargazing with me all the time when I was a kid,” Kai says. He spots the big dipper first. Easy to see.

“Why’d you stop?”

“She got busy.”

“That’s always your excuse with your parents. I’m starting to believe you don’t have any.”

“I’m telling the truth,” Kai laughs. “They’re always fucking working. I don’t even know if they would spend time with me when they were home.”

“Hey,” Adam lets out softly. Kai looks over at him and Adam looks soft in the moonlight. The way his features are crinkled with worry.

“It’s okay. You get used to being alone,” Kai says.

“But I don’t want you to be alone.”

“And I haven’t been. Not with you.” Adam’s face softens, a small smile gracing his face. They don’t say anything for a while. They stay there staring at the stars, Kai spotting all the constellations he can. He’s sure Adam has fallen asleep on the hood of his car, but he hasn’t. When it’s almost three in the morning, Kai decides it’s a good time to leave. On the drive back home, Kai feels soft and giddy. 

He hasn’t felt alone. Not since he’s been with Adam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/HIIRAGIKASHIMA_) and [tumblr](https://bloodyknuckles.tumblr.com)


	4. december

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the holidays, Kai's mother and father are around.
> 
> Kai sees it more as a curse than a blessing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okok now frfr the chapters are going to slow down i have one prewritten chapter after this BFWKJBGR
> 
> but anyway .
> 
> hi!!!
> 
> i hope you all are well, i'm doing much better since last update! i'm also working on a lot of stuff lmfao!!! but i will not forget abt u guys bc i love this little fic. 
> 
> i hope u enjoy!!

“You look like you’ve been kicked in the chest eight times.”

“Gee, thanks,” Adam says.

“Just being honest,” Kai shrugs, throwing his bag in the backseat. He pops the tab of his Red Bull.

“Well, the car wouldn’t start this morning,” Adam says. 

“Awful. Horrendous. Send it to the pound.”

“What the fuck,” Adam laughs. Kai grins.

“I don’t know. I just start talking and my mouth just says things, I thought you would know this by now, dear fake boyfriend,” Kai says. Adam pulls out of his driveway and starts their route to school. Kai gets a text from Mira halfway there.

_won’t be there today 、ヽ｀(~д~*)、ヽ_   
_i’m SICK_   
_cursed with the FLU_

_so sry_   
_so so sry_   
_i’ll ask adam to take notes 4 u <3_

_thank u !_

“Mira will not be arriving today, tragically,” Kai states loudly. 

“Why?”

“She got taken out.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” Adam says. Kai snorts.

“Nah, she just got the flu,” Kai says, unbuckling his seatbelt when they pull into the parking lot.

“Yuck. Isn’t that going around?” Adam asks.

“Yeah? It’s flu season, dumbass,” Kai says. Adam slaps the back of his head as they walk into school. “Spousal abuse!” 

“ _Please_ , you’ve kicked me more times than I can count,” Adam says, shaking his head.

“That came with the package of pretending to be in love with me. You must take my feet to the shins, but I will not take your slaps to the head.”

“Sounds unfair.”

“Never said it was fair,” Kai counters. Adam hums as they make their way to the football team. Even after all these months, Kai feels like the entire ground could swallow him whole when he makes eye contact with one of the beefy jocks. His mouth always goes dry and he resorts to pulling at the bracelet Mira gave him. Adam grabs his hand, interlocking their fingers together. Kai doesn’t know if it’s to prevent him from fucking the bracelet up or if it’s to make them look more like a couple. Kai’s doesn’t really want to know the answer. Kai stays relatively quiet, piping up for a comment every now and then. But whenever he talks, he mostly talks to Adam. 

Finally, the bell rings, and some of the tension melts from Kai’s shoulders.

“You know you don’t have to be afraid of them right?” Adam says.

“I know, but they still… terrify me,” Kai says. “They’re just big and scary and could break my jaw in one punch.”

“I feel like that’s not accurate,” Adam says.

“I’ll believe what I want.”

“Besides, if they hurt you, I’d fucking destroy them. Reputation and all,” Adam says. Kai feels himself soften at that.

“You don’t have to do that,” he says, huffing a laugh. Adam rolls his eyes.

“But I would.” the way Adam says it makes Kai really feel like he means it. His eyes flicker to Adam’s lips, but before he can do anything too drastic and stupid he looks away with a small cough. “Also, can I come over?”

Now that takes Kai by surprise.

Kai hasn’t asked Adam to come over to his house once. His house is cold and feels all too big, and most of the time he’s alone. When he’s at Adam’s, he feels comfortable and safe. Adam’s home is like a safe zone—crowded and cluttered, but a gentle reminder that people are alive. That this home had people who lived in it, who cared for each other. 

Kai’s home had trinkets from trips overseas. The only real room that ever looked lived in was Kai’s.

“I, uh, I mean, yeah, sure. Why can’t we go to yours?” Kai asks, pulling on his sleeve. 

“I just wanna see what the inside of your house looks like. I would like to see your room, not through FaceTime for once,” Adam says, smiling.

“Alright, fair enough,” Kai shrugs. He pulls at his sweater sleeve again.

“See you later.”

“See ya.”

“Welcome to casa de Kai,” Kai says, sweeping his arm to show off the foyer. 

“Spacious,” Adam says. Kai snorts. If he’s being honest, he’d much rather be at Adam’s home than his own. It’s smaller and feels a lot homier than his own. 

“Yeah,” Kai says. “We can go out and eat later, if you want. Or I can cook something,” Kai says. Adam shrugs.

“Either’s good with me.”

“Perfect!” Kai claps his hands together. Kai’s nervous to show Adam around his house. It’s a spacious two story house, and Kai just… doesn’t want Adam to know how unlively it is. How boring Kai finds it here. Maybe if he does see it, though, Adam will understand while Kai practically finds refuge in his home. 

They pass the time easily, playing card games or video games—whatever they can scrounge up. It ends in loud laughter, or Kai yelling that Adam cheated. It’s so comfortable and Kai, for once in his life, doesn’t hate the fact he usually has the house alone. 

“What do you want to eat?” Kai asks. 

“Uh, whatever is fine,” Adam shrugs.

“Pizza! Got it!” Kai grins, swiping his phone off his bedside table. Adam snorts. It’s comfortable. It’s the first time since maybe first grade Kai felt like he had someone who cared about him and he felt like he could actually talk to. It’s a strange, enthralling feeling that starts in his gut and overtakes his entire body. 

When they’re at Adam’s, they can’t share a bed. Because Adam’s parents are home at night and under the impression they’re dating, but Kai’s parents are never home. So when they stay over at Kai’s—as little as they do—they get to share a bed. They sleep like they’re actually dating, too; Adam’s arm tossed over Kai’s side and Kai isn’t used to someone actually holding him. He’s used to holding pillows for comfort and when Adam isn’t around, that’s what he does. 

Sometimes, when they’re in Kai’s bed and Adam is fast asleep, his arm secured around Kai, he purposefully stays awake. He stares at his wall and thinks about playing with Adam’s fingers which sit against Kai’s abdomen, but he doesn’t in fear he’ll wake Adam up. And then he has to remind himself this is all fake because _it is_ , but sometimes it feels real and it makes Kai question too many things. 

Kai sleeps better than he has since he was a baby when he shares a bed with Adam. It’s nice being held—he feels like he’s needed and wanted and he’s taking more than he’s giving for once.

That’s how it is right now. Adam’s arm tossed gently over Kai’s torso, his other arm under Kai. Kai’s back is pressed to Adam’s chest and he can feel Adam’s heart beating. It’s a steady rhythm, but he can’t get himself to sleep. Adam’s been asleep for hours, Kai is pretty sure. When he said he was going to sleep, he went to sleep. Kai can feel Adam’s breath on the back of his neck and he’s nuzzled his face into the crook of Kai’s neck.

If Kai’s being honest, he feels like he could sob. 

He remembers when his parents would let him sandwich between them in their bed, back when he was five and nightmares plagued him or there was a monster under his bed. He hasn’t been held by someone in his sleep in so long; he hasn’t felt _safe_ in his sleep in so long. He closes his eyes, trying and _longing_ for sleep to come, but it never does. Because of course it never does. He watched the clock tick by, he feels Adam shift against him every so often, and then it’s four in the morning. Adam, as if automatically, wakes at six am sharp. It’s funny, Kai thinks, because he’s been awake since yesterday, patiently awaiting for this moment to come. 

He feels Adam move, gently taking his arms away from Kai as if not to wake him. It’s not like he doesn’t know Kai is a heavy sleeper, Adam is just being considerate. It drives Kai fucking crazy.

“I’m awake,” Kai says, rolling over. Adam looks surprised.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hi.” 

“Did you sleep well?”

“How worried for me would you be if I said I didn’t sleep at all?”

“ _Kai_ ,” Adam says. He sounds worried. Kai wants to crawl into a hole, curl up, and die. Or rest there for a few years. Either way, he does not want to be under Adam’s gaze for longer than he has to be.

“It’s fine,” Kai says. “I’m fine.”

“Dude, that is not healthy,” Adam says. Kai snorts.

“I do it all the time,” he shrugs.

“Yeah, and then I have to see you shaking with how many energy drinks you’ve consumed in, like, two hours.”

“It’s _fine_ , Adam. I swear,” Kai says. Adam squints his eyes.

“I swear to god, you’re going to sleep under my very watchful eye.”

“Very watchful?” Kai asks.

“Very,” Adam states, closing his eyes and holding his head higher. 

Predictably, Kai does end up crashing around eleven am. Adam, of course, is still there. As much as Kai tries not to fall asleep, his eyes close as his head sits in the palm of his hand while they watch _The Breakfast Club_. 

“I told you you would fall asleep,” Adam says triumphantly. Kai groans.

“You aren’t going to let me live this down, are you?” 

“Never. Absolutely not.”

“Gross,” Kai says, passing him a plate with a grilled cheese. They’re about to eat lunch. 

“Thank you,” Adam says with a cute grin on his face. 

“ _De nada_ ,” Kai says, throwing his hand up in response. He hears Adam hum as he waits for Kai to finish making himself a grilled cheese. The silence overtaking the room is deafening, so Kai simply begins to focus on the sizzling of the pan. He feels Adam’s eyes on him. Adam was right, he is very watchful. 

“When do you plan on going home?” Kai asks.

“Oh, are you kicking me out? Is this you kicking me out?” Adam asks, feigning heartbreak. Kai giggles. 

“I mean, not exactly? You can stay another night, I just feel like you’re probably missing Puddles,” Kai says, plating his grilled cheese. He continues to stand on the other side of the bar while Adam sits.

“Mmmm, you make a good point there,” Adam says chewing. “And my siblings probably miss me.”

“Exactly,” Kai grins. “You had an impromptu visit to Kai town. Return to your village, hero. They miss you.” Adam laughs. 

When Adam leaves, a part of him aches, but that’s something Kai would never admit out loud.

With Christmas break comes Kai’s parents being home all the time.

Kai thinks it’s the biggest joke God has ever played on him. They’re always home and they’re loud and the day after break starts, Kai has called Adam and _begged_ to be taken out of his house.

“I swear to god it’s better when they’re not home. Or just, like, one of them is home,” Kai says. “They’re _always_ fighting, dude. I can’t catch a fucking break.”

“Well, I think I can get you out of the house later today,” Adam says.

“My savior! My hero! My knight in shining armor!”

“Thank me later. You’re probably gonna end up injured to hell and back by the end of this outing, though,” Adam says.

“What the fuck are we gonna do?” Kai says. Then it hits him like a freight train. “Hold on, don’t fucking tell me we’re going ice skating.”

“And afterwards, we’re going to look at the Christmas lights!” Kai groans. 

“You know, maybe my own personal hell of parental issues might be better.”

“Better than bruised knees?”

“Yes. I don’t want to stare at my black and blue knees for three weeks,” Kai says.

“That’s the worst logic I think I’ve ever heard in my life,” Adam says.

“Well, listen, I never said I was the smartest person alive.”

“Good, because you’re definitely not.”

“Hey!” Kai cries out. “Rude! You’re supposed to lie to me and coddle me and tell me I’m the best. That’s what boyfriends do, even pretend ones.”

“You got me there,” Adam laughs.

“Thank you, I know I do,” Kai says. “Anyway, I’ll go if you’ll allow it.”

“I’ll ask Mom. I’m sure she’ll say yes. Everyone here fucking loves you, dude,” Adam says. It makes Kai’s chest feel warm. 

_Good to go! We’ll come get you at around five, okay?_

_THANK GOD_

_Glad I could be of service!_

_YOU ARE THE LIGHT IN MY TIME OF DARKNESS_   
_TAKE MY HAND ADAM_   
_U R MY SAVIOR_   
_THE ONLY ONE I NEED AND TRUST_

_Omfg_   
_Now you’re starting to sound like you’re going crazy lol_

_I THINK I AM_   
_ANYWAY_   
_SEE U AT 5_

“Hi, Mrs. Rivera!” Kai says as he clambers into the backseat with Adam.

“Hi, Kai!” she says, waving at him. She catches his eye from the rearview mirror. “I hope we’re not sweeping you away from anything important!”

“Oh, not at all!” Kai says. _More like saving me from my parent's impending divorce_ , he thinks.

“Alright, then!” We should have you home around ten if you want to tell your parents that,” she says. Kai sends his mother a quick text. She reads it, but doesn’t respond. Kai’s not shocked. 

When they arrive at the ice rink, it’s brimming with people. Kai feels responsibly in his element and out of it all at once. 

“Hold my hand, Prince Charming,” Kai says. “I’m nervous.”

“Bossy,” Adam says, intertwining their fingers. Kai grins up at him, all teeth. Adam rolls his eyes, but smiles nonetheless. 

“How good are you at ice skating?” Kai asks. He’s genuinely curious, considering Adam is a football player. He has to have a little more balance and grace than Kai ever will. 

“I mean, my mom did force me to take a ballet class, so,” Adam says, loud enough for his mom to hear.

“Hey! I did not force you to take that ballet class!” 

“Fine, okay, so _maybe_ I took it willingly.” Kai huffs a little laugh. 

“Cute,” he says. Adam glances down at him. “What? I’m being honest.”

“Mhm,” Adam says. “I just like staring.” Kai blushes. 

“Whatever,” he says indignantly. Adam giggles.

“How good are you at ice skating?” 

“Oh, god. I’m like a baby deer in his first hour of walking.”

“Jelly legs?”

“Basically,” Kai says. Adam nods. 

“Well, I’ll be there to catch you if you fall,” Adam says.

“Ever the hero, I see,” Kai says, looking at the rink. He sees families and couples and singles alike skating side by side—all in their own worlds. Kai thinks about how he and Adam will look to the outside world. Will they look like two friends hanging out, or will they look like the couple they’re meant to be seen as? It’s stressing Kai out more than it probably should, but what if they see someone they know? Someone they go to school with? Everyone is under the impression they’re dating, so they have to make it believable. Will they be believable?

God, Kai feels like his brain is going to explode. He’s been in the house with both his parents for too long. 

He laces his skates tight and waits for Adam to finish up. When he does, they make their way to the rink, stepping carefully in. Unlike Adam, Kai almost ends up in a split as soon as he’s placed both feet on the ice. Adam is losing his mind.

“Stop laughing at me! Be a good boyfriend and help!” Kai says, voice shrill. Still cackling, Adam helps Kai up. 

“You are terrible at this,” Adam says, wiping his face. Kai notices his nose and cheeks are a little more red than usual.

“Yeah, well, instead of asking about my wellbeing, you immediately laughed at me! Some boyfriend you are!” Kai says. This makes Adam laugh hard enough he has to grip the edge of the wall and stand still for a moment. 

“This is the best decision I think we’ve ever made,” Adam says.

“You’re so cruel!” Kai cries. Adam wheezes, too out of breath to let out a full laugh. Ice skating continues to be a painful experience for Kai, but at one point he takes Adam down with him. It ends with the two of them giggling, while Kai sits on top of Adam on the ice. Kai’s sure his knees will be bruised for the next month, but he had a good time. He didn’t have to hear his parents having a screaming match for the third time that day, either, so that’s a plus. He’s more than a little relieved. 

When they pack up to go see the Christmas lights, Kai feels giddy. He hasn’t gone to see Christmas lights with his family since he was in sixth grade. He keeps poking Adam in the side, telling him how excited he is. Adam pretends to be annoyed, and for a moment Kai believes it, before Adam’s eyes soften and he smiles gently. Kai breathes a huff of relief.

“You scared me,” he says. Adam raises an eyebrow.

“How so?” 

“I really thought I was annoying you there! I really thought you were finally fed up with me.”

Adam looks startled. “I could never.”

“That’s what they all say,” Kai says, waving a hand. He looks at the lights as they continue to walk down the pathway. He doesn’t want to see the kind of look Adam is giving him.

“Hey,” Adam starts, “look at me.” Kai looks.

“This is nerve wracking.”

“You could never annoy me, swear it,” Adam lifts his pinky up. Kai looks at it and snorts, before locking his with Adam’s.

“Yeah, sure, whatever.”

“I mean it. This another thing I’ll get to say I told you so on.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Kai snorts. Adam puts a hand in Kai’s hair, ruffling it. Kai swats at it.

He doesn’t think the Christmas lights have ever looked so bright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/HIIRAGIKASHIMA_) and [tumblr](https://bloodyknuckles.tumblr.com)


	5. january

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> new years eve.
> 
> a brand new year, and kai thinks to himself, _this'll be better than the last_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg hey long time no see!!
> 
> okay. im gonna be real . i have not been working on this fic SORRY
> 
> but, with the fact i have all of u . i will do my best . but ive really been on a haikyu writing train !!! but im a little way through the next chapter of this fic and i hope . i hope i can bring it to u guys .
> 
> so sorry this one took me so long to get out!!
> 
> love u all. stay safe and healthy. happy halloween!!

Kai’s parents may not celebrate a fun Christmas or a Thanksgiving, but they never fail to throw a good New Year’s Eve party. 

Does that mean Kai ever wants to attend them? Absolutely not. 

As much as Kai likes loud things, his parents' New Year’s Eve parties are a stiff kind of loud. Filled with business people to make networking connections and teens who plan on following in their parents footsteps—not that that’s a bad thing, Kai just tends to find those kids stuck-up and particularly annoying. Which is probably rich, coming from him. 

Currently, he’s lounging on the end of a couch with kids who are talking about business.

_send help._

_You’ve been asking for a lot of help recently_   
_I think I’m gonna have to start charging you_

_new year’s eve party_

_Party?_

_my parents can be civil for one (1) night out of the year_   
_somehow_

_Lol._   
_Sorry._   
_Why do you need help?_

_i’m stuck between rich kids who only talk abt business :((_

_Boohoo_

_yes pity me_   
_but srsly pls come get me_   
_i’ll pay ur gas money and everything_   
_i’m like_   
_i am not below begging_

_Ohhhh begging now?_

_don’t make me do it_   
_i’m not below it_   
_doesn’t mean i want to do it_

_Lol_   
_I’ll come get you_   
_Be there in ten_

Kai lets out a sigh of relief and removes himself from the couch. He wanders for a little while, waiting for Adam to once again be his knight in shining armor. When he gets the text that Adam is there, he sneaks out of his house and gets into the car.

“Hi,” Kai says, practically deflating. The tension in his shoulders melts and he puts his head in his hand, closing his eyes. 

“Are you okay?” Adam asks, putting a hand on Kai’s back. 

“Yeah. I just fucking hate everyone in that house,” Kai says. He sighs, lifting his head from his hands. Adam hums.

“Well, we’re going back to my house, so.”

“Is Norma there?”

“Tragically.”

“Still better than being at home,” Kai says. Adam snorts. “Can we stop by a gas station? I need an energy drink. I feel like I’ve been sucked dry of all my energy.”

“You?” Adam asks as they pull out of the driveway.

“I know, insane,” Kai snorts.

“I would say yes, but I want you to actually sleep. So, sorry, but no.”

“Pain. I’ve been hurt.”

“You’re such a baby,” Adam laughs.

“I’m going to power through your family gathering, make it to twelve am, and I will promptly fall asleep in your arms, embarrassing you in front of your entire family. How do you feel about that?” Kai asks. Adam cracks up.

“Sounds like a very good plan. Especially if it gets you to bed before six in the morning,” Adam says. Kai hums and rolls his eyes.

“Fine, fine. You win.” 

When they get to Adam’s house, it’s lively—as usual. Adam’s mom greets him as she tries to herd a group of kids and they make their way to the living room, Kai almost tripping on Puddles. He pets the dog as an apology.

They watch the countdown, and as promised, Kai promptly falls asleep in Adam’s lap.

“Happy New Year,” he hears through his half-asleep state, feeling the press of Adam’s lips on his head. Then he’s out like a light.

Back to school is hell on earth.

“I fucking hate school,” Kai states as he gets in Adam’s car. “I forgot how much I fucking hate it.”

“You’re already shaking, dude, how many Red Bulls have you drunk?” Adam asks.

“I’ve moved on from Red Bull. I now only consume Monster.”

“I feel like that’s even worse,” Adam says, grimacing. 

“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t,” Kai says, shrugging, “but I’ve grown as a person. No more need for Red Bull, just Monster. Anyway, you’re ignoring me talking about how much I fucking hate school.”

“Yeah, that’s because, like, who doesn’t fucking hate school? Y’know?” Adam says.

“Good point,” Kai says. “God, I wish I were asleep.”

“You always wish you were asleep,” Adam retorts.

“Hey, now, we’re getting a little feisty there,” Kai says. 

“Also, you avoided my question. How many Monsters have you had?”

“No comment. I will no longer be accepting questions either. Beep, boop, boop, boom, shut down,” Kai says, pretending to shut down. He sits there limply, head down. Adam laughs

“You’re so dramatic. Anyway, my estimate is at least two.”

“Well, you aren’t wrong!” 

“Jesus Christ,” Adam says. “I swear, one of these days I’m going to get you on a better sleep schedule.”

“I’d love to see you try. Many have tried, all have failed. So sorry,” Kai says. Adam giggles and they walk into the school, chatting as usual. 

“I have missed you guys! Like I missed you so much!” Mira says, falling into Adam’s arms. Kai laughs as Adam catches her, and she stands before giving Kai a hug.

“So how was your guys’s Christmas break?” Mira asks.

“Lively. I spent half the time with Kai,” Adam says.

“Bad when I wasn’t with Adam, so most of the time good,” Kai says. 

“Mmm, well I’m glad it was good most of the time,” she says. They continue to talk until the bell rings, where they part ways for class and the day continues like any other school day.

And that’s how January goes. Easily and fluidly, quite boring if you ask Kai. 

Him and Adam go out, they meet Mira sometimes, and they continue their charade. It’s fun, Kai has fun with his life for once. Kai goes to the park with Adam more and more, rediscovering the fact he loves to swing and loves the outside. He still stays up late and plays video games, but he’s started going to bed earlier. He won’t ever admit it, but it’s definitely Adam’s influence. Instead of going to bed at five in the morning, he starts going to bed at two; he starts waking up earlier, all on his own. He doesn’t stop his energy drink intake, which will forever worry Adam, but he’s drinking less and less everyday. 

It’s slow, Kai thinks, but in some ways, he’s getting better. He sleeps less in class, doesn’t immediately pass out after eating in lunch, and doesn’t nap nearly as much. 

_hey_   
_hey_   
_thank you_

_For what?_

_a lot_   
_but_   
_like_   
_idk_   
_for like. just taking a chance w me?_

_I trusted you._

_:)_   
_WAIT R U SAYING U DONT NOW????_

_No!!! I trust you more than before._

_oh_   
_ok_   
_thank you again_

_I’m not even gonna ask lol_

_yea_   
_better if u dont haha_   
_anyway im going to sleep_   
_goodnight loser_

_Goodnight :))_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/enbykozume_) and [tumblr](https://bloodyknuckles.tumblr.com)


	6. february

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> valentine's day.
> 
> kai is as nervous as you can imagine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO 
> 
> OH MY GOD I JUST WANNA SAY... TO THE PEOPLE WHO FOUND ME ON TWITTER, THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND WORDS!! it literally meant _so_ much hearing that and i cannot express it more!!!!!!!!
> 
> and i know i said the next chapter was probably gonna be slow, but i literally always say that dont i? anyway.
> 
> i _am_ partcipating in nanowrimo this year, so that may hold true this time as i am. _very_ behind for nano but we wont talk about it. 
> 
> please enjoy!!

“No Monster this morning?” Adam asks.

“Trying to break the addiction,” Kai grins. It’s kind of refreshing not having shaky hands. 

“Oooh, impressive! I’m proud of you,” Adam says. He’s smiling.

“Thank you! I will have the _biggest_ caffeine crash ever!” 

“Oh, jesus.”

“Yeah, I’m just gonna… sleep a ton, I bet. And take a lot of tylenol, my head is gonna hurt so bad,” Kai blanches. Adam giggles and Kai fauns looking hurt.

“Well, at least you’ll be sleeping more,” Adam says.

“Nor for good reason!” Kai says. “I’ll be sleeping away headaches!” 

“You’re still sleeping,” Adam muses.

“Fine,” Kai says, rolling his eyes. The day is fairly normal—a routine day for everyone. He feels his phone buzz from his back pocket when he’s on his way to science. 

_You know Valentine’s Day is soon right_

_NO_  
_WHAT_

_Yeah_  
February 14

_i hate it here_  
_oh my god_  
_okay_

_Lol_  
_I just thought I should let you know_

_THATS SO OMINOUS ADAM WTF_  
_DONT JUST SAY THAT THEN LEAVE_

_Well!_  
_Clear your schedule!_  
_That’s all I’m saying :)_

_OMINOUS_  
_FEARING FOR MY LIFE I WEAR_  
_plot twist thats the day u kill me_

_No!!!!_  
_I would never!_

_thank god_  
_anyway_  
_i’ll clear my schedule_  
_it’s not like i was gonna b doing anything anyway??????_

_I still wanted to give you a heads up_

_so kind_  
_thank u tho fr_

_Of course._

February fourteenth rolls around much too fast for Kai’s liking. He didn’t get Adam anything not because he didn’t _want_ to, but because he genuinely didn’t know what to get him. He plays football and Kai doesn’t know if he’s on a strict diet for that or not, he doesn’t really know how Adam reacts to gift giving, so on and so forth. In reality, Kai’s head has just been so scattered and loud for the past few days, he just wants to lay down and take a nap.

“You seem off,” Adam says, sitting down in front of him at lunch. Kai feels like he could scream. His head is face down on the lunch table—he’s not even using his arms as a cushion. Instead of speaking, he opts to tap the side of his head. He hears Adam hum and the scrape of another chair.

“You good?” he hears Mira ask. He bangs his head on the table, making the forks on their lunch tray clatter, as a signal that he is _not_ in fact okay.

“He tapped his head when I asked him what was wrong,” Adam says thoughtfully. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t know what it means, but… there’s a start.”

“It means my brain is so astronomically loud and scattered that all I want to do is sleep for a thousand years,” Kai says, slightly muffled.

“He speaks,” Mira says. Kai groans, lifting his head.

“Brain loud,” he says again, laying his chin in the palm of his hand. Adam hums.

“I can postpone plans today to happen at a later date if you’re not feeling up to it,” he says. Kai’s eyes widen in alarm.

“No! It’s fine, I can still go and do things. I just might, like, be a little out of it? You know?” Kai says. Adam nods, chewing on his sandwich. He learns ever, lightly tapping his knuckles on Kai’s forehead.

“Well, if you need to talk about anything or you do want to end up moving them, we can. That’s okay. And I’m always here for you,” Adam says. Kai smiles softly, heart stuttering in his chest. He steals an apple slice from Adam.

“I know.”

Turns out, Adam’s Valentine’s Day plans are them being inside his house. This makes it a complete struggle for Kai not to fall over from utter exhaustion. Adam’s house is just so _warm_ and so _homey_ and Kai swears to god if he lets his eyelids close one more fucking time, he will be out like a light. He feels his body sway a little as he moves his piece on the board game. 

“Do you want to take a nap?” Adam asks, smile lacing his words. Kai’s eyes light up.

“Please,” he says. Adam laughs, standing. They leave the board game as is—Kai thinks that they’ll get back to it once they wake up. 

“Do you need the TV on? Like a movie or anything?” Adam asks. “I only ask because Jess needs one on to even think about falling asleep.”

“Not particularly, but it would be nice,” Kai yawns, curling into Adam’s side on the bed. His eyes are already heavy, so when Adam begins talking the words are simply static in his ears. He feels Adam’s hands begin to play with his hair before he’s completely out like a light. 

When he wakes up, he’s still on Adam’s chest and the sun is setting. Another thing that’s different is that Adam is also asleep. _He’s gonna get a crick in his neck if he stays like that_ , Kai thinks, shimmying himself out of Adam’s arms. He pokes Adam in the chest, which wakes him easily. He grunts, wiping at his eyes.

“Good,” Kai looks at the clock, “night, technically, sunshine!”

“Hello,” Adam says. Kai snorts as Adam sits with his head in his hands.

“How’s sleeping beauty?”

“That’s what I should be asking you,” Adam snorts, peeking at Kai through his hands. Kai blushes.

“Well, if you must know, I slept great,” Kai says. “my head is less loud. A little less crowded.”

“Good.” Adam tosses his legs over the side of the bed, retreating just a little at the cold hardwood floor on his bare feet. 

“My mom probably thinks we died,” he laughs. Kai snorts.

“Nah,” he says. “I’m sure she thinks we’re fine.” When they make their way out of the bedroom, they find Adam’s mom in the kitchen. She’s making dinner. 

“Hello to you two!” she says, smiling when she looks up. Kai rubs at his eyes again and then yawns while Adam is busy trying to flatten his hair. “Dinner will be ready soon. Do you plan on staying, Kai?”

“Uh, if I’m not too much of a bother, I’d love to,” he says. Mrs. Rivera waves a hand.

“You’re never too much of a bother, dear,” she says. Kai blinks, feeling warm all over. He smiles softly at her. Kai doesn’t think she knows the weight those words carry to him. He falls into Adam’s side. Adam yawns.

“Well, go make yourself at home anywhere. I’ll call for you two when dinner is ready,” she says. Adam hums, pulling Kai with him to the living room where most of his siblings have taken refuge. Marco and Jess are playing an intense game of Super Smash Bros. Adam and Kai are quietly tucked away in the corner of the couch until Marco lovingly invades their space. 

“Play against me!” he says, shoving a controller towards Kai. Kai blinks, startled, before he takes the controller. Marco may only be in the seventh grade, but Kai is going to kick this kid’s ass. He watches Adam pretend to send a little prayer and then smile apologetically at Marco. 

And kick the kid’s ass Kai does. 

Marco and he play several rounds until Mrs. Rivera calls for dinner and everyone is scrambling into the kitchen, gathering into their seats at the dining table. They say grace, and then they eat. It’s simple and it’s a routine that Kai has grown used to when he stops by a good amount of time. 

“I should get going,” Kai says. Adam is cleaning the board game they never finished up.

“I’ll see you out, then. Hold on,” he says, starting to carelessly toss the pieces in the box. Kai snorts. 

Standing on the gravel by Kai’s car, Kai’s hand loosely gripping the door handle, they stare at each other. Kai’s free hand fiddles with the end of his jacket, pulling at a loose navy blue thread. 

“So I’ll see you at school?” Adam asks, the smile on his face so tender that Kai feels his stomach flip eight times. Kai pulls at the door handle, hearing it pop closed when he doesn’t properly open the door. 

“And out of it,” Kai grins, looking down. He hears Adam laugh, all soft and quiet, and he’s enveloped Kai in a rather large hug. Kai wraps his arms around Adam’s torso, his nose pressed against Adam’s chest. Kai is once again overwhelmed by the smell of his laundry detergent, the hints of cinnamon and, rather than vanilla this time, pumpkin from the candles burning in the house managing their way into Kai’s nose at such close proximity.

“I’m gonna. Get going now,” Kai says, awkwardly jabbing his thumb behind him. Adam laughs again—that light and airy laugh Kai has heard so many times before—before walking backwards.

“See you on Monday,” he says, saluting.

“See you tomorrow,” Kai grins. 

When Kai gets home, dumping himself into his bed, he stares at the ceiling. He runs his hands over his face, the grin never leaving his face. His stomach feels floaty, his mind feels a little like it’s stuck in honey, and his heart feels so jump-started that even if he wanted to sleep he couldn’t. Well, that and also the nap that he took at Adam’s. The floating in his stomach feels like a rush from some kind of high and when it settles, there’s a pleasant buzz resting on Kai’s skin.

The buzz of his skin and the sugar high he feels like he’s on don’t feel normal. People who are in a fake relationship don’t feel like this after they’ve napped together and spent Valentine’s Day together. The soft flutters that occur in his stomach when he’s around Adam; the blushes that cover his face when Adam says something mildly flirtatious, or even just something kind to him.

The realization hits Kai like an ocean wave. It drags him under and suddenly he’s struggling to breathe, yet he still feels euphoric. He throws his hands over his face and lets out a loud groan, kicking his legs in the air. It swirls in his stomach, the feeling does, and the words are frozen in his mouth. His tongue is thick, sticking to the roof, making him unable to speak. Until, finally:

“Oh my god, I broke rule number five.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on [twitter](twitter.com/wIwilbur), where i'm most active, and also on [tumblr](https://bloodyknuckles.tumblr.com)!

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on [tumblr](https://bloodyknuckles.tumblr.com) and [twitter](twitter.com/wIwilbur) !


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